Weigh-In Week 6 and Emotions-a loaded 8 letter word

Emotions—how one 8 letter word can mean so many things, or have such a huge impact on me is amazing. I feel that this week I’ve been emotionally fragile and on that ever riding non-stop rollercoaster of life, where the highs and lows never seem to fade.

I often go through and re-read my posts in the blog, to see how I’m going and where I’ve come from. I’m glad I do that, and I’m glad I have this to make it possible. I’ve found that some of the things I’ve written, I’ve actually forgotten I was feeling or experiencing.  I also noticed that at the beginning of the program and blog I was relying heavily on expressing emotions. You can see that from the little icons I would put at the bottom of the post.

Although I might say “I’m alright,” quite often it doesn’t mean internally I am. That was until this week. ((TMI warning)) It’s TTOTM (If you have to ask, you must be male!!?!?) and I’ve been feeling extremely flat and blah (refer to last post). I often get extremely lethargic and am in a lot of pain and do not feel enthusiastic about life at all. It’s one of those weeks of curling into a ball and sleeping and escaping. I’m happy to report that’s the old me! I did pout a little, feel a little sorry for myself and do a little scale hopping this week *slaps self on hand-we talked about this!* and I saw that the scales were moving in the up, up, up direction. Instead of pouting and getting shitty about it, I put on my tunnel vision and knew that lazing around, feeling sorry for my self would do nothing but make those numbers stay there, so I got off my arse and exercised. I kept it pretty light this week, but I still moved. I paid particular attention to the food I ate. I’m human; I’m normal. I had those terrible TTOTM cravings and wanted sugary, sweet, fatty useless food. My weekly confession: I tried 1/12th (yes, a tiny smidgen) of a piece of choc iced sprinkle donut that was bought over by a friend (who didn’t know any better). That one tiny bite was DISGUSTING! I couldn’t believe that I didn’t enjoy it at all. It was gross and the flavours sat on my tongue in a most unpleasant way. BOOM—at least we can tick that crappy food off my want list now! Last night I grabbed a handful of ‘hot chips’ that were in front of me (5 in total) and ate them, thinking they’d be yummy and delicious. Anyone who was around last night, when I did this, knows what happened. They were soooo gross. Even grosser than the donut! I felt oil in my mouth and I felt like I’d swallowed a cup full of oil and it sat in my stomach. I actually got nauseous and wanted to go and throw up. Lesson learned. My body is telling me I don’t need it and my mind has finally clicked.

You may “think” you want it, and the emotions that we all experience will convince as that we “want” it, but our body doesn’t “need” it and soon, you won’t even like it. How exciting, right? I think so!

Basically, what I’ve been rambling on about is the fact that Michelle says to “take the emotion out of it” — become disciplined and conscious of what you’re eating. Nowhere in the program does it say you can’t enjoy food. I enjoy food, quite a lot. I never thought I’d say I was looking forward to Lentil Spaghetti Bolognaise, but it’s one of my favourite menu items. Plan, be organised and you won’t be placed in a situation where you might make bad choices.

 The other most important thing I’ve learned from this week is to Never Give Up. It’s true to say that when things  seem ‘too hard,’ you just want to throw in the towel and give up, say screw it, why bother? It’s quite possible to  convince yourself that if the scales don’t move, then it’s not worth it and you’ve just worked out for  nothing…..Well there’s a reason to bother and it isn’t just that fact that you’ll feel such a difference in your life.  Your body, your attitude, everything will change—for the better. I’m not perfect and I’m not emotionless, but I know a journey worth going on is a journey full of experience and wonders and discovery.

Who wants to know about weigh-in?!?!?

YAY!!!!! Hard work and consistency DOES pay off. I am so excited about the results. I had set myself up to not be emotional if there was no loss, or a gain, because I knew that I was having my ‘off’ week. The results have just made me even more determined. I am 1.2kgs off of a 10kg loss. I’m writing this down to be accountable–I want that 1.2kgs gone next weigh-in!  I am also ‘officially’ down 1 pant size. I can fit into pants I haven’t worn in years and the current jeans I have keep falling down. Wooooo!! *throws sparkles in the air–the sprinkley kind, not my new phone!*

Thanks for all the support — I seriously love it and it helps to keep me in check and encourage me. I know that only I can do this and only I can decide what I eat and how I exercise, but I love knowing that there are people out there who might read this and think that if I can do it, they can do it, because quite frankly, it’s true — YOU CAN!!!!!!

And if you have one of those days where things seem like crap and you don’t think you can go on–do this:

Self-sabotage and becoming a clean eating nut!!!

I haven’t blogged much besides the weigh-in days because I have been in a zone for my end goal and that requires me spending a lot more time away from my computer! Absolutely usually unheard of from me, but there’s no burning calories sitting on the couch, tapping fingers!

A lot of the lessons I’m learning in these 12 weeks is all about self- sabotage. The fact that you know something isn’t good for you or right for you, but you do it anyway. You know the one: that Freddo frog, that piece of cake or that glass of wine. It’s not of any value to you physically, only emotionally. For those who know me, my husband works in the Wine Industry. Of course, for the longest time this has worked favourably for us, wine in the fridge all the time, and endless supply of deliciousness at my fingertips. It would be nothing for me to have a glass or two a night, or indulge in a bottle (or two) on a Friday/Saturday night. Who knew how much it was hindering my efforts!?! Did you know there are over 100 calories in a glass of wine *gulp*!!!

This past weekend I attended a formal function with my husband. These events aren’t always the ‘most exciting,’ but it’s a lovely night out, we get dressed up, have good food and get away from the kids for a few hours! This past one I decided I was sick of the rotation of dresses I always wear so I asked my friends if they had anything I could borrow. In the past, I haven’t been anywhere near a ‘size’ I think would work for borrowing clothes, but I was feeling good and confident and also hopeful that the kilos I’ve dropped already would make a difference.

I ended up with over 8 dress selections!! Some of them didn’t fit—I still have a few kilos to go for them, but never fear they’re on my radar for future events! The one I chose was perfect. It was comfortable, I felt good in it and it fit (all incredibly important pre-requisites to fill!) My friend also let me borrow some awesome heels. I’m only 5’2” so not on the tall side! I must admit, I usually go to these events and feel a little short and frumpy. I can proudly say, for once, I didn’t feel ‘frumpy’. I know I still have a long long way to go, but I actually felt confident. I held myself tall (with a lot of help from the heels!) and I had my shoulders back. I also wore a size I’ve NEVER worn, or at least I can’t remember ever wearing! While my clothes are nowhere near the size I wore, the dress was a very generous wrap dress that I’ll savour as my first size 12. That’s my ideal clothes weight and it’s helping to keep my goal in check and my path in focus.

Me teetering on very high heels!

Killer SPARKLY heels I got to wear!

Like I said earlier, I would usually booze up at these events, for entertainment purposes (!) but with all my goals steadily being achieved lately, I went into a focus zone and knew I had to be strong. I could not self-sabotage all the hard work I’d done up to this point. It wouldn’t take much at all to undo the hard work, as crazy as that sounds, a bottle of wine would have destroyed me. I gladly accepted water on the night and the food was tailored perfectly (those events usually are, thankfully!) I confess, I did indulge in 2 ½ glasses of sparkling wine (but that was after I checked how many calories I’d consumed that day!!!) I didn’t regret it at all and I savoured them.

The night was good and we both left with a clear head (and I could walk in the heels!!) When I got up yesterday I was a little regretful for having the sparkling so I jumped on the scales and was very happy to see they hadn’t moved in an up direction. *phew* Self-sabotaging is something that takes effort to acknowledge and to stop. The temptation is put in front of us on a daily basis, including marketing via tele, magazines and online. Instead of indulging in the chocolate anymore I stop and ask myself; does my body need this to work? What benefit does my body get from this? Will I be making myself go back 3 steps by having a temporary fix? I don’t think so. I’m not saying that I’ll deny myself for the rest of my life and that I’ll never indulge in a bottle of wine, or a piece of chocolate, but I am saying that I will withhold from that for a little while. Until I get to my goal!

Hubby and I all set to go - Hubs has lost 10kg in 5 weeks!!

I also have a little mantra that I constantly repeat to myself: Do not eat unconsciously. Think about what I’m putting in my mouth and remember if it’s not natural and ‘clean’, it’s likely not good for me.

This moves me onto my next topic! Clean eating… Who knew?!?! I have become a little obsessed with what can only be described as “DUH, why wouldn’t you?” type of food. Clean eating is all about non-processed, natural food. I’m proud to say we’re doing a great job at not eating anything from a ‘box’ or with ‘extra ingredients’. The food on the program IS delicious and healthy and tasty and good for you. Guilt-free eating is the best! I’ve discovered The Gracious Pantry and she is amazing. She has all these recipes listed that are ‘clean’ ingredients, some of them are amazing (including the desserts!) Take a look at her blog and tell me that taking a little extra effort doesn’t look worth it!! I’m excited to have so many options to cook great food, once our program for this round is complete. I also want to add that since being on the 12 week body transformation, we’ve not spend AS MUCH on food!!!! We have a menu given to us and we’ve found that most of the shopping is done in the fruit and vegetable section! It makes so much sense!!! I can’t stop talking about clean eating to EVERYONE I see (I apologise to my friends for the bombardment of my nutty ways!) and I also apologise to the strangers who I talk to as well!! Okay, let me be honest…..I’m not sorry, I’m excited!!!!!! Come to the Other Side my friend! Let the Force guide you!!

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough for now and really need to get moving and take the kids for a walk. I’ll leave you with a few pics of the past week. I love the pics of my kids doing “crunches and lunges”. They are constantly asking when we’re going to exercise?!! The only thing I have to watch is Mr4 who is very interested in the ‘boxing’ part of my workout!  I have a long way to go, and I will make it, I know I will. It’s not easy, it takes focus and it takes determination to want it! I want it!



Thanks for reading! I love to hear your feedback!! I’ll catch you all on Wednesday with some good news .. *positive thinking*

Unconscious moments

Last night I came to a profound realization. How many times have you eaten something without thinking about it? I couldn’t even tell you. I didn’t even know I was doing it until I had eaten the last bite of chocolate! I was on the couch watching the news and my husband handed me some chocolate. I accepted and started eating it. As I was chewing the last bite, and enjoying it, I realized…I was eating chocolate!! I was immediately upset with myself! It was nice, but I didn’t need it! From that moment on my brain has switched on and I’m now consciously thinking before eating.
I haven’t even gotten into the guts of this program yet but am really pleased with the way it’s heading….
Emotions: Determined