Study Bug Nerves …

studyadamlevineThroughout the past several years I have undertaken distance education through various universities. My end goal is to become a Primary school teacher. The irony of this is not lost on me, considering my three children CONSTANTLY keep me on my toes and drive me mad (in great ways, of course!)

I recently received some results that were a pleasurable surprise! I didn’t think I ‘understood’ the assignment at all, yet I trucked on, and  You Should Be Studying gained assistance from emailing the tutor (HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS AVENUE, it’s what they’re there for – I now realise this only having just sucked it up and given in to asking for assistance/clarification!) and especially gaining help from online supportive friends. In the end, I gained a High Distinction, and a Distinction overall,  and by gosh, I am very proud of it. Whenever I am doing assignments, that little self doubt voice rears it’s ugly head and tells me I’m not good enough, I’ll never make it, and to just give up. I guess because in the past I haven’t committed, and as a result, failed some subjects.

The other week, I went to a seminar session with Emazon. I’ve seen her before, and little moments of that session have always resonated with me (although putting into practice is a constant challenge!). She went into some details over no such thing as re-programming the mind> It’s all about new programming. I think that when it comes to my university studies, this is the one thing I need to remember. Forget about the past, it’s happened. Some things might stay in the brain that can come in handy, when it comes to assignments, but all those fails, I can now rise and program myself to succeed. From all my worrying about failing, and having to re-do subjects because I didn’t receive cross-credit, I didn’t even realise that I have completed my first year of university!!! (All except 10 days of practicum placement, which can be done when I am able to get into primary schools!) Hooray! I NEVER thought I’d be able to say that, it feels like I have been doing this for years (which I have!!!)

Sooo, next week the university trimester is back. I am starting to panic a little, and the nerves are making me second guess myself. I feel overwhelmed with having to run a house, round up and raise three children, help out with school community projects, run a successful direct sales business, AND complete university. BUT.. I’m new programming, and thinking positive. If it’s really what I want, I know I will succeed. I know that over the weekend, I need to plan, plan, plan. Learning to use my time wisely is an ongoing lesson, and I look forward to succeeding in all areas.

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What are your top study tips?! What keeps you concentrating, and/or motivated?!

Wish me luck, as I throw our life into chaos for another semester of bettering myself and attaining a dream!

Accepting A Failure Sucks

Many of you know that I started a ‘journey’ to becoming a teacher a couple of years ago. I felt this would be achievable by studying online, and as it’s something I’ve wanted to do practically my whole life (right, mum?!) I knew I had finally found a topic I wanted to study with all of my heart.

So, this week when I got the news that I had yet again failed a subject that had previously given me grief I was beyond devastated. I was upset, angry, sad, cranky-any emotion that evokes a feeling of failure (except for the acceptance ones, which I’ll get to in a moment).

I have been studying online for the past couple of years, and it has mostly been a success. I can’t say it’s been an easy path, and it’s definitely not been my favourite mode of study, but I’ve tried to make it work. I tend to be an over achiever, and someone who hates to be wrong (smiles sweetly at my dear husband!!!) so of course admitting that this may not be the way to succeed in my studies has been a long and arduous road.

  Failing this particular course (which I was seriously certain I understood!!!) has bought out many questions of why, what, and where am I supposed to go in life?! I know that one failure can’t break us, but it’s just came at a time of vulnerability and self-doubt. I spent the last couple of days cranky and upset, and trying not to over-think the situation. Tutor emails back and forth left me with no hope of a pass, so what’s done is done. I’ve finally realised that just because they don’t think I know what I’m doing, I KNOW what I’m doing and I won’t let them bring me down.

Failure, as such, is such a funny thing, not in the ha-ha sense, but in the ironic sense. Everyone was very quick to jump on to me and tell me that I can do it, and that I’m not a failure and that I’ll be okay. Being someone who often does that to others, I get that. I understand that. Most of all, I appreciate all of the people who were willing to push my negativity and shower me with positive words, in a time when I just saw grey everywhere. I know I’m not dumb. I know I’m not stupid. I just hate that a mark on a paper can show that I wasn’t able to grasp something at the time.

So… what was I to do about it?! Yesterday was the annual book-week book parade at Mr6’s school. They also had open classrooms in the morning. I have previously gone and helped in the classroom, but studying had pulled me away from that. When I was in the classroom, seeing the kids doing their work, the structure of it, how they behaved and interacted with me… I just knew. I knew it was my true calling. I knew I’d be happy in the classroom. And I knew it was time to let the sadness and anger have it’s time and be gone.

 What are my options? Well, I can continue to study online, but I honestly have struggled with balancing it with life/house/family and I just don’t think it’s working for me. When my children are asking if I can finish ‘studying’ so I can play with them, I know there is some serious questionability about whether I’m doing more harm than good with this mode. There are many good schools in my area, so I’ve gone ahead and signed up for some uni open days and am going to investigate going on-campus next year. I’ll only have 1 child left at home as we send Miss4 into the big world of Kindy next year, so I’m hoping it’s going to be a viable option. My youngest will be 3, and I’m still trying to figure out how we’ll coordinate child care, but I must remember to stop over-thinking and let that happen when it happens.

Like I said earlier, I have wanted to be a teacher since I was young (amongst wanting to be a park ranger, an actress, a Play School presenter!!), and this to me, feels like my purpose beyond being a mum, wife, and house manager. So with all the sadness and anger having ‘left the building’ wish me luck as I embark on the next step of this education journey!!!! If you have any advice, please, please don’t hold back, anything that can help me succeed (remember, I hate failure!!!). Also, I believe that we must want something to really go after it. This is what I’m planning on doing. I’m going after it!!!!!

If you’ve made it to the end, thanks for reading! I know it was a long one!

P.S You know how I joined a gym?? Well since then, I haven’t been able to go *cries*. I ended up with Influenza and a chest infection, which I was treated for, however I didn’t feel any better in my chest, and was struggling to breathe, so I just went back to the doctor and the chest infection has turned into bronchitis. I am so ready to get over the sickness and get back into the fitness. I need that happy mind state back!!!!!! Has anyone had to get over an ‘illness/injury’ hurdle? Any advice?

2013 – The Year of Awesome – A Mish Mash Post

Hi There!

AGAIN… it’s been ages since I’ve blogged!! I did participate in the margarine switcheroo and whilst I thought it was interesting to trial, I’m pretty sure I still prefer butter!

So .. it’s week 1 of 2013.. how is everyone fairing? So far, I’ve had a great 2013. It was one that started with a bunch of if’s, what’s, when’s and whys!!! Change may be in the future, but we just need to sit tight and see.

I’ve taken a semester off of study so that I could concentrate on myself and my family. It has been great to have a break, but at the same time I’m itching to get back to studies. I have three courses to complete my “1st year” of my degree, and that excites me! I’m eagerly awaiting to hear that I get accepted into the “Bachelor” program. One of the best things about all this is that I’m doing it with a friend. We’re so going to be teachers one day, and we’re going to rock!!!!!!!! I’ve actually become a little obsessed with “teacher blogs”! They’ve definitely taken over “mummy blogs” !!!!

I’m not really one for resolutions, but I have thought that perhaps I should try to blog more. As a means of expression and therapy in a way. Is this me saying it out loud??? Try to hold me to it!

I still struggle daily with the ‘depression’ and the ‘anxiety’ however by focusing on all that is good in my life, I am getting through it. I have a wonderful support system that I’ve reached out to, and I encourage everyone to do as much as they can.. even if it’s sending me a message!

We are now in week 2 of school holidays. What a treasure trove of fun that has been! There’s nothing like having all the kids home, and to be the entertainment for them! Does anyone have any fun, at home, activities for under 5’s?? all suggestions welcome! I’ve been extremely lucky to have my husband home and able to take the focus away from just me, but there’s only so much “daddy” can do, before they want mummy again!

I’ve also just started again on a 12 week weight loss challenge. This one came across my email as a ‘special offer’ and while I usually ignore them, I decided that the cost of the 12 weeks was definitely worth the look. It is American based, but it’s doable! I started on my birthday, as I thought this would be a great milestone. The great thing about it is that I get to include up to 5 friends on the program, so we can have a secret support society to help each other out! I’ll let you know how it goes! I’ve actually stopped having sugar in my tea and that is HUGE! I have had sugar in my tea since I was a teenager.

Okay, well this post was full of a lot of nothing, and everything, but I wanted to get a new post for 2013 out there and happening! This year will be great! Why? Because we can make it great!!!!!!

Posts will be random, and will be about a multitude of things, but that’s what life’s about!!! Until next time… Happy Reading and Be Safe!

 

P.S One of my guilty obsessions at the moment is One Direction.. I know, I know.. you can JUDGE away, and I don’t mind.. it’s what makes me ok! Anyway, I wanted to direct you to one of their songs, and the lyrics… I think they (or Ed Sheeran!) wrote it about me!! Check it out!  lyrics