Schools Back.. Skerred.

In my youth I decided that university wasn’t for me. I wanted to see the world. To live in another country. To Fly Like An Eagle. That’s exactly what I did. After an extended time overseas, I finally came back to Australia for good, in 2004. I met a guy, married, worked, had three kids…. For that reason, my university journey is taking shape in my late thirties, instead of my teens.

Tomorrow, the kids go back to school for term 3. A welcomed return for me (not so much for them, because helloooo…homework – YUK!)

It’s also a week until I return to university. After having studied online for a few years (and getting nowhere thanks to not getting cross-credits) I have found that on-campus is definitely the best way for me to study successfully. The only problem is I have mild social anxiety. I do not like crowds, and I do not like being around a lot of strangers. Whenever I think about having to go in to the campus I am a combination of excitement to be learning new things, and sick to my stomach because..people.

I’m trying not to acknowledge my anxiety and nerves, but they are creeping up, sitting on my chest and pressing down so much that I can physically feel it change the way I breathe.

I don’t have any ‘university friends’ as last semester I was doing a couple of mandatory subjects that were aimed at a cross section of courses, thus not strictly in my ‘field of study’. Also, I’m not good at making friends. I love being friends. I love having people in my community, but I’m so awkward when it comes to making them. I have a knack of being really quiet and observant, until I know you. Once I do know you though, look out! You’ll never get me to shut up! It’s hard, but I’m going to try to reach out this semester.

Anywho, I’ve managed my anxiety with diet and exercise for awhile now, however my exercise has slipped. My diet isn’t terrible, and I try to stick to Gluten Free, Wheat Free as much as I possibly allow myself. I certainly don’t beat myself up when I do eat a spoonful of Nutella, but I am aware it will affect me. In the past I have seen marked improvements through exercise. Something I have learned is that I really need to do a ‘type’ of movement every day. If I don’t do it every day, my body becomes a blob. Yesterday I had great intentions of going out for a run (jog/walk/shuffle – let’s face it, what I do isn’t graceful, but it is out there!) I had on all the gear and then bam… throughout the day, my mind talked me out of going. I didn’t do it. Complete regret. Why didn’t I just lace up the shoes and go? I KNOW I’ll feel better. It’s like I self-sabotage myself by not doing it. Self-talk is huge. How you talk to yourself reflects on how you put your own energy into the world. I also believe that you can change the way you think by being conscious of the how you speak to yourself. Being present, and listening. I’ll listen to Benedict…because he knows…


Anywho, this week I am committing to three thirty minute runs (and anything above that is a bonus!). I am also starting back at dance class this week, which I thoroughly enjoy. So, whilst the anxiety is creeping up, and I’m feeling panicky, and scared to return to school, I am also going to commit to getting out and exercising, as well as being kind to myself. Because really, in the end, being kind to yourself really does matter. Regardless of my ‘friend count’ I know that I am important, and I matter.

***Shout Out to a wonderful online community. I’ve written about them before. They are known as Operation Move. A true Sisterhood. If you are into being around positive women, who uplift, encourage, and inspire, then they are your community! Come over and check them out on Facebook! I’m fairly certain that without them I wouldn’t believe in myself half as much, and I certainly wouldn’t have the confidence to move as much.***

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2013 – The Year of Awesome – A Mish Mash Post

Hi There!

AGAIN… it’s been ages since I’ve blogged!! I did participate in the margarine switcheroo and whilst I thought it was interesting to trial, I’m pretty sure I still prefer butter!

So .. it’s week 1 of 2013.. how is everyone fairing? So far, I’ve had a great 2013. It was one that started with a bunch of if’s, what’s, when’s and whys!!! Change may be in the future, but we just need to sit tight and see.

I’ve taken a semester off of study so that I could concentrate on myself and my family. It has been great to have a break, but at the same time I’m itching to get back to studies. I have three courses to complete my “1st year” of my degree, and that excites me! I’m eagerly awaiting to hear that I get accepted into the “Bachelor” program. One of the best things about all this is that I’m doing it with a friend. We’re so going to be teachers one day, and we’re going to rock!!!!!!!! I’ve actually become a little obsessed with “teacher blogs”! They’ve definitely taken over “mummy blogs” !!!!

I’m not really one for resolutions, but I have thought that perhaps I should try to blog more. As a means of expression and therapy in a way. Is this me saying it out loud??? Try to hold me to it!

I still struggle daily with the ‘depression’ and the ‘anxiety’ however by focusing on all that is good in my life, I am getting through it. I have a wonderful support system that I’ve reached out to, and I encourage everyone to do as much as they can.. even if it’s sending me a message!

We are now in week 2 of school holidays. What a treasure trove of fun that has been! There’s nothing like having all the kids home, and to be the entertainment for them! Does anyone have any fun, at home, activities for under 5’s?? all suggestions welcome! I’ve been extremely lucky to have my husband home and able to take the focus away from just me, but there’s only so much “daddy” can do, before they want mummy again!

I’ve also just started again on a 12 week weight loss challenge. This one came across my email as a ‘special offer’ and while I usually ignore them, I decided that the cost of the 12 weeks was definitely worth the look. It is American based, but it’s doable! I started on my birthday, as I thought this would be a great milestone. The great thing about it is that I get to include up to 5 friends on the program, so we can have a secret support society to help each other out! I’ll let you know how it goes! I’ve actually stopped having sugar in my tea and that is HUGE! I have had sugar in my tea since I was a teenager.

Okay, well this post was full of a lot of nothing, and everything, but I wanted to get a new post for 2013 out there and happening! This year will be great! Why? Because we can make it great!!!!!!

Posts will be random, and will be about a multitude of things, but that’s what life’s about!!! Until next time… Happy Reading and Be Safe!

 

P.S One of my guilty obsessions at the moment is One Direction.. I know, I know.. you can JUDGE away, and I don’t mind.. it’s what makes me ok! Anyway, I wanted to direct you to one of their songs, and the lyrics… I think they (or Ed Sheeran!) wrote it about me!! Check it out!  lyrics