RUOK Day 2015 – Thanks for Asking

It’s that day again, when we see lots of images posted on social media (and the media) with big yellow and black writing asking: RU OK?

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I have written two responses to this day in 2012 & 2013. I’m not sure why I missed last year, but perhaps at that time, I wasn’t okay.

Not only is the 2nd September of every year dedicated as RUOK? Day, but today is also National Suicide Awareness day. Quite fitting. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (a government organization), over the last two decades there has been a steady rise of death by suicide, and incidents of self-harm resulting in hospitalization.
To pretty much everyone, this is scary stuff. Suicide today, is still a subject that is skimmed over, hushed, and most certainly not as common a topic as we should be making it. Why are people committing suicide? What is making them think that death by their own hand is the only solution? Of course I can’t give you these answers, but what I can do is highlight that we have the power to change someone’s life.

All it takes is one question: Are You Okay?

We don’t have the right to tell people how to feel, we cannot force them to feel, or make them talk to us. What we can do is show compassion, and show that we do care by asking them a simple question. Not because we want to be cool, and trendy, but because we care. It is a simple question. It’s three words. What is not simple is the answer you might get. When someone says, “No, I’m not”. What happens then? The aim is to start the conversation.

I’ve seen a few posts online today that are questioning whether people should be asking the RUOK question if they are not equipped to handle the answer. From my point of view ~ Yes, they should still ask the question. All exposure to a worthy cause is fantastic. This cause highlights so much, and it is the job of those who understand it, to equip those who may not know, with answers. If they are asking RUOK? on this particular day in September, then we are assuming they’ve seen the social media graphics, the television ads …. I mean, we can only assume (which could be risky) but now what we do is inform everyone that not only are we asking the question, we hope they are reading material regarding mental illness, and how to be a supportive friend. Materials they may never have seen without the RUOK day campaign. Remember, being supportive doesn’t mean you take on the responsibility of the problem that someone may be feeling. You don’t suddenly make those feelings your own, and you certainly don’t turn into an unqualified psychiatrist or psychologist. There is so much that can be done by being You. Acknowledge, validate, and you offer to help them if they would like. Quite often it’s letting that person know they are not alone. Did you know that every year ONE in FIVE Australians will experience a form of mental illness?! Now with a population like ours, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet to say that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You certainly don’t have to yell from the rooftops that you are not okay, but I promise, if you have seen someone ask the question, and you’re willing to do it, then please, answer honestly and let them be a support.

Soooooo….. enough of the preachy preach! I’ll add some links to the bottom of the post so you CAN be armed with any solutions, help, assistance, or answers you might be seeking if you do get an answer that isn’t, “Yes, thanks for asking”.

This years theme of RUOK?  Day is: “Thanks for asking”… right now in my life, although I feel like I am drowning a lot, I know that I am okay. I’ve had people ask me and I’m am so thankful they asked. At this very moment in time I have a supportive spouse, and close friends who are forever my sounding boards on life, love, and everything in between. Unfortunately, not everyone has that luxury. Society enforces it’s labels upon us, and many people can feel locked in a box. Thinking they are not “Normal” and therefore, not able to be their true self. To those people, I am but one person who would like to say: Regardless of how you see yourself – YOU MATTER. You have the ability to create an impact on society and this life. Be who you are. Be what you want. Just be yourself. As Dr Suess says:


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Depression, anxiety, and feeling hopeless… I’ve experienced all of those feelings. I want you to know. They do not define you…. It Gets Better. The more we speak about it, the more it’s in mainstream media, hopefully the more we can abolish the stigma. In my opinion, social labels suck…huge big sucky suck….but they are there, and it’s our job to smash them into a million pieces and make the abnormal, normal. There are so many fantastic places that can offer assistance free of judgment and stigma. Many, like Lifeline, are anonymous. They are someone to lend an ear when you’re feeling alone and helpless. Please, know that this life is one for living, and you living it, matters.

Take Care and Remember, it’s okay to say you’re not Okay. You are not alone……

 

Hot Links

Click on each one to be taken directly to the website

Lifeline 13 11 14

Black Dog Institute

RU OK? Day 

beyondblue

headspace (for 12-25 year olds) 

SANE Australia 

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Happy Birthday, Me

Today is my 35th birthday. I love birthdays therefore I love today! My mum posted this photo of me last night on Facebook. Ever since I saw it I haven’t been able to get a few things off my mind, so here’s a letter to baby-me.

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Dear Baby Me,

Hi there, cutie. Happy birthday. Today we’re 35 years old (or young, depending on how you look at it!) Can you believe we got to 35? Amazing! There’s a few things I would love you know, and wished I could have imparted into your soul while we were this age, but I know that everything we have gone through has made us who we are.

First, look at that double chin! For years now I have warred with the fact that when I take photos I have a double chin. I put it down to the fact that we need to work on it, and try to rid of it. If I’d remembered that I’d had it at such a young age I would have started embracing it earlier. It appears it’s a part of us, and something I shouldn’t try to change! It’s cute at this age, why shouldn’t it be cute at 35?

Second, that hair! We were born with hair of the orange/red variety. I believe on our birth certificate it states Strawberry Blond. Now, growing up you will be teased for having this hair colour, and we will hate it. Hate it with a passion. We will want to dye it as we get into our teens, but mum will be relentless that our hair is ‘beautiful’ and that people ‘pay lots of money to get our hair colour’. I wish I could have told you that when we are older, and especially when we are 35, we will love our hair colour. As an adult we would have experimented with bright red, and blond, and other colours in between, but by the time we get to our 35th birthday we will be sporting a very short hair style in our very natural colour. I would tell you not to be afraid of the colour because it will darken and won’t be so ‘orange’.  It will take us until we are 34 to actually be courageous enough to chop it all off, but it will be one of the best hair decisions we ever make. It will give us so much more confidence, so hold tight, we’ll get there.

Third- bullies.  Growing up we are going to face some harsh critics in life. We will be called all sorts of names, for no reason, and they will hurt our feelings. We will feel lonely, and chant ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me’ and we won’t really believe it, because bullies suck, and they are mean. By the time we are 35 we will understand that bullies are just insecure, ignorant people who need no attention paid to them. They are often lonelier than the person they are picking on. So just know, that we will have come out of it so much stronger. Being brave is going to get us through it all.

Fourth-family. We will grow up living in a variety of places, in fact we will end up going to a lot of schools, and by the time we are 35 we will be back in school!!! Our family will be small, and although we will fight with our brother, we will love each other, sincerely, and forever. He will always have your back, and no matter how many times you yell and scream at each other, in the end, he’s your brother, and always will be. Mum will work hard for us, and will have some tough times too, but she will always be there for us. We must remember to tell her we love her, heaps of times, so she remembers she is valued. I’m fairly sure we took care of that one alright. Growing up, we will wish we had a sister. Don’t worry. By the time we get into our teens we’ll discover a wonderful surprise. We have a sister!!!! Although she will come into our life later, we will still have loads of time to get to know her. She’s a lot like us, even if she didn’t grow up with us!

Fifth – Love. Now, love. There will be many times when we don’t love ourselves enough, and we will be lonely. We will be friends with many people, and especially with the boys. Friends. We will spend a lot of time fretting over why we don’t have a boyfriend when everyone else does, and I just wish I could have  implanted in your brain that it will be okay. You don’t need a boy to complete you! You will be amazing without one, and being friends is so much easier! Also, by the time you are 35, true love will have come into your life a couple of times! You will love many times, and have love in your heart, for many. You will learn valuable lessons about love and yourself, and finally, by the time you are 25, you will meet a wonderful man, who you will marry and who will love you for everything you are, not who you want to be. He will love all your curves, all your quirks, and all of you.  He will help you to create three beautiful children, who often mirror who we were when we were kids! An emotion that we will only discover closer to 35 is that we are valuable, and self-loving of us is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.  It will take us a little rough road to get there, but we stayed strong, and we made it!

Sixth – Kids. You will grow up constantly loving and wanting children. There will be many times in our life we will wish for kids, and it won’t happen. It will devastate us, but it will make us resilient! I would tell you, there is a plan. There is always a plan, and kids will enter our life when they are wanted the most. Lots of surprises are in store, and when we are 35, we’ll still be surprised every day! We will question if we are a good mum, often, but then when we receive our 35th birthday card, our 6year old will write in it ‘I love you mum and I like you being my mum’. See, we will do many things right! We just need to chill.

Seventh – self image. From this photo you can see we aren’t ‘petite’. It will haunt us for a very long time. We will never be the same as everyone else, and we will feel like a failure, often. If I could, I would have implanted the wisdom to know, that by the time we reach our 35th birthday we will have been through many transformations, and will be more in control of how we feel about us. We will have done many thing we didn’t think possible, including running two half marathons when we lived overseas! There will be many times we can prove to ourselves that if we will it, we can do it. Committing will help us to achieve anything.  We should have relaxed during our middle years, but now we are older, it has made us stronger, so we can praise those moments, and know they were all a part of our plan. Depression and anxiety will come into our life, but we will fight it, and it will be a battle we will win. Although we will constantly be fighting,  we will be stronger than we ever thought, and the dark roads that don’t seem to be there, will slowly light the way to a better place.

So, baby-me. Just know, that our life will be filled with loss and laughter, and strength and adversity. You will be closed off to many people, and it may come across as snobbish, but understand, that every day is a step closer to be the sincere self that you are. Remember, as long as we are sincere to who we are, and those we love, we will be real. I love this picture of us, as it shows a child who is ready to take on the world, and the world, we will take on. We will not be perfect, but we will be who we are. Be strong, and remember, the love starts with us. Positives outshine the negatives, and this year, as throughout our life, we will shine brighter than the sparkliest gem! All those that come into our life will come for a reason. They may stay a short time, they may stay a while, but they will be valuable, and they will teach us many things. Keep learning, keep being, and keep living. The best is yet to come! Live, Love, Learn.

Lots of love,

35 year old, me.

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I apologise ….

I’ve had something on my mind for the past couple of days. Ever since I heard about the English cricketer who has gone home from the Ashes with stress-related illness. It can happen to anyone. And it does.  This is my post in response to that (which is actually pretty unrelated)…..

I think I need to make an apology. What for? You might ask… You see, at the beginning of this year I was traveling a very dark path. There were no streetlights, and there was no end. There was a street sign with the name of the street, but you would have to look really hard to read it because it was so dark. When I looked forward, there was no hope; There was no future. I was at a crossroads and they were marked Depression Rd and Anxiety Way.  The thing is…there were so many things happening in my life, in my head, and I had no way of filtering them, of sorting them out, and getting through them. From the outside looking in, it probably seemed as if I had it all. I had a husband, a home, 3 beautiful children, a stable income and a car. I was studying at uni and there was sunshine in the sky. That’s where my apology comes in. The sun wasn’t shining for me.  I locked myself away, and didn’t come out at all. I would drop the kids off to school without getting out of the car, so that I didn’t have to talk to anyone, or didn’t have to get out of my pajamas. I declined every invitation to get together and socialize because I didn’t know what to talk about, and I didn’t want to leak my sour mood onto anyone else. I didn’t want to get out of bed, and would quite often go straight back to bed as soon as I returned from school drop off. Only now, now that I am finally at the end of those streets and finally walking along It Gets Better Street do I realize, by doing this, I had the potential to jeopardize friendships I’d had for months/years. To the outsider who doesn’t know, my behavior could be perceived as uppity, and snobbish. As if I was acting like I was too good to talk to anyone. Or to good to go out and share a meal and have a drink.  The problem is. That’s not the truth. The truth is that when you are in the deepest parts of depression, nothing seems appealing. Hiding in my house all day. Looking things up on the internet. Getting lost in books. Watching tv without even seeing it. Those were all the things I was stuck in. It was like a loop and I couldn’t stop it from happening.  Just the thought of having to talk to people would cause a physical reaction and I’d cry. I couldn’t breathe at the thought someone would talk to me. I know that a lot of people suffer in silence. They don’t want to burden anyone with how they are feeling, and what they are going through. That’s exactly where I was.

If not for a couple of friends who gently persisted on being a friend and never giving up, I would still be in that pit of despair. They listened without judgement, they asked questions, and they were there, often just through a small phone screen. So……to all the people in my life, both on screen and off who felt the brunt of my struggles. I am sorry. I’m sorry if I bought you down. I’m sorry if I ignored you. I’m sorry if you thought I didn’t value our friendship, because I do. I do so very much.  There may be nothing that can turn things around, but just know… everyone has their journey they’re traveling. Sometimes it just takes one friend to ask the question and make sure everything is okay. Just be there. Be present. Know it’s not personal, it’s the person.

I also want those people who may be reading this and are still walking along those Roads and Paths marked with lights that have blown out… I am here for you, and you will get to the end of it. It might not happen tomorrow, it might. Either way, you are not alone. Never, ever, ever…. And remember YOU ARE IMPORTANT.. even if you don’t believe it.

 

IF you’d like to know more about how I was able to turn myself onto a better path please feel free to ask. I’m more than happy to share my story. It might just be similar to yours!  You can email me at sydneygen04@yahoo.com

I don’t think my journey is over yet, in fact I know it’s not, but I am glad to see a lot more streetlights burning bright. Let’s turn some on for you, too!

Friendships, Tattoos & Motor Oil … Oh My!

So, I have a friend. Well, I have a few friends, but this friend is special. We’ll call her Bee. I met Bee online (through Twitter) through a mutual love of reading fan fiction, and listening to music. That’s the great thing about the internet, it connects you to people you might not otherwise meet. So, I live in Sydney, and Bee lives in Brisbane. Same country, different state. I can’t even put into words what makes Bee such a special friend, because there is so much, and there just aren’t words to describe other things! Bee has helped me pull through some very dark times in my life, and she has lifted me up to celebrate some wonderful times. Bee never judges, and always listens. Bee is awesome.

So.. last week I paid Bee a visit in Brisbane. It was wonderful. We spent a few days hanging out and just chilling. It was good for the mind, and good for the soul. We also forever ingrained our love and friendship by getting matching tattoos!!! There’s a song by a Sydney-based artist named Jack Carty, it’s called One Thousand Origami Birds. It’s wonderful. It inspired the tattoo. For that, I thank Jack for singing and sharing his music. Bee got hers on her foot, and I got mine on my arm. I love it. So much, just like I love Bee. We each have our own meanings to the tattoos, but a lot of meaning to me is friendship, and battling anxiety and coming out of the battle with depression. The musical notes represent the part of the song that says “Peace Will Come” … it’s to remind me that in all the chaos of life, and in the moment, peace will come, eventually, as long as I weather the storm. I also like that the musical notes end in a smiley face!!!! 🙂

Image       Image  I also got to hang out with another friend, we’ll call her Bale. She’s awesome, too. She made awesome food, and supplied great entertainment. We watched Friends… what better way to spend time with Friends?! There’s NONE!

So, what does that have to do with Motor Oil? Weeeellll… I am going to be reviewing Castrol Magnatec Motor Oil on behalf of SOUP (an online reviewing company). I’ll be blogging about it over the next few weeks, but it got me thinking. Friendships are exactly like motor oil. They help to keep things moving, they help you to not burn out, and they also stick with you, and you need it.

The new Castrol Magnatec Oil has intelligent molecules (ooooo!!!) and is designed to stick to your engine, rather than drain off when you stop the car! Stay tuned for more interesting and fun facts in the very near future!!!

In the meantime, I urge you to listen to Jack sing … magic happens *winky face*

Wasn’t that great? So worth the listen! Go to Youtube and look up his other stuff, too! Click for Jacks YouTube Channel

This was the one pic from the weekend in Brisbane that Bee & I could agree that we looked fabulous….

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So whether you have friendships near, or friendships far… treasure them. Always. And remember.. friendships are like motor oil…. they stick with you, even when your engine has stopped!

R U OK? – It’s OK To Say NO

Today is once again, R U OK day in Australia. This initiative started as a movement to raise awareness and open channels to help people struggling with life. According to the RUOK website www.RUOKDAY.com:

The R U OK? Foundation is a not-for-profit organisation dedicated to encouraging all people to regularly and meaningfully ask ‘are you ok?’ to support those struggling with life.

R U OK?Day is our national day of action on the second Thursday of September (12 September 2013), and dedicated to reminding people to regularly check in with family and friends. We also have Resources for You to use throughout the year to help you ask ‘are you ok?’ regularly of family, friends and colleagues.    Stephen Fry

You might remember that last year I wrote a blog post about it, and at the time, I was NOT OK. You can read all about the reasons here: R U OK 2012.

Since then I have had many struggles, up and down, and I am still working through them, but for today, I can say, “I am OK”. Who knows what tomorrow brings. My anxiety peaks and waves, comes and goes. Some days I feel like I can conquer the world, and some days I feel like I want to hide out in my room all day and not talk to anyone.

The reason I’m bringing this up is because I want to ask YOU the question: ARE YOU OK? R U OK? ARE YOU ALRIGHT? Nothing is ever black, and white. I know nothing can ever be solved with a cup of tea, but it sure can ease a burden! Let me be your tea-maker. I am HERE for you. I will listen, I will not judge, and I will not set out to solve the worlds problems. Sometimes all you want is a friend to listen and acknowledge, not judge, not try to solve the issues, or tell you where you might be going wrong. I am your friend.

Not AloneIf you don’t want to talk to me, just know that You are NOT alone. With the progress in social media and the access we all have to the internet, I have found that you are open to a world of opportunity and hope. If you have anxiety about being in public situations, you can be comfortable in your own home and reach out. If you don’t like the way you look and it makes you depressed, you can be behind a computer screen asking for advice. You don’t have to put yourself in situations that may cause you to be even more “not OK”.

So, today, at this point in time, why am I feeling OK? I think it has something to do with finally seeing a psychologist. It took me a couple of goes, and it’s not always first one is the best choice, but the one I have been seeing was not trying to read my head, or solve the worlds problems of why I am the way I am. We were simply letting it be and working with how we can work with that. It’s hard work, and it’s not all roses and sunshine, but the one thing I have learned is, FriendsEveryone needs someone to talk to. By talking about my issues with someone who was non-judgmental, my whole attitude changed. I’m no longer holding onto feelings inside myself, and no longer taking it out on my loved ones. Again, not always having great days, and yes I regress, but I know that I’m getting better. You can too. All you need to do is ask the question.

I hope you are aware that you are not alone. You will be OK. There is help available. If you go to one doctor and they say they don’t believe in ‘depression/anxiety’ then go to a different doctor. Start doing Yoga (I know it sounds naff, but it did help me!). Start exercising, even just a 15 minute walk outside in the fresh air will clear your mind and help.  If you want to send me a private message, then please do. My email is: sydneygen04@yahoo.com .

I’ve listed some resources that you can go and check out and maybe gain a little further information and maybe some help?

Take-The-First-Step

RESOURCES:

Beyond Blue

R U OK Day

Dancing with the Black Dog – A blog

and just remember:

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2013 – The Year of Awesome – A Mish Mash Post

Hi There!

AGAIN… it’s been ages since I’ve blogged!! I did participate in the margarine switcheroo and whilst I thought it was interesting to trial, I’m pretty sure I still prefer butter!

So .. it’s week 1 of 2013.. how is everyone fairing? So far, I’ve had a great 2013. It was one that started with a bunch of if’s, what’s, when’s and whys!!! Change may be in the future, but we just need to sit tight and see.

I’ve taken a semester off of study so that I could concentrate on myself and my family. It has been great to have a break, but at the same time I’m itching to get back to studies. I have three courses to complete my “1st year” of my degree, and that excites me! I’m eagerly awaiting to hear that I get accepted into the “Bachelor” program. One of the best things about all this is that I’m doing it with a friend. We’re so going to be teachers one day, and we’re going to rock!!!!!!!! I’ve actually become a little obsessed with “teacher blogs”! They’ve definitely taken over “mummy blogs” !!!!

I’m not really one for resolutions, but I have thought that perhaps I should try to blog more. As a means of expression and therapy in a way. Is this me saying it out loud??? Try to hold me to it!

I still struggle daily with the ‘depression’ and the ‘anxiety’ however by focusing on all that is good in my life, I am getting through it. I have a wonderful support system that I’ve reached out to, and I encourage everyone to do as much as they can.. even if it’s sending me a message!

We are now in week 2 of school holidays. What a treasure trove of fun that has been! There’s nothing like having all the kids home, and to be the entertainment for them! Does anyone have any fun, at home, activities for under 5’s?? all suggestions welcome! I’ve been extremely lucky to have my husband home and able to take the focus away from just me, but there’s only so much “daddy” can do, before they want mummy again!

I’ve also just started again on a 12 week weight loss challenge. This one came across my email as a ‘special offer’ and while I usually ignore them, I decided that the cost of the 12 weeks was definitely worth the look. It is American based, but it’s doable! I started on my birthday, as I thought this would be a great milestone. The great thing about it is that I get to include up to 5 friends on the program, so we can have a secret support society to help each other out! I’ll let you know how it goes! I’ve actually stopped having sugar in my tea and that is HUGE! I have had sugar in my tea since I was a teenager.

Okay, well this post was full of a lot of nothing, and everything, but I wanted to get a new post for 2013 out there and happening! This year will be great! Why? Because we can make it great!!!!!!

Posts will be random, and will be about a multitude of things, but that’s what life’s about!!! Until next time… Happy Reading and Be Safe!

 

P.S One of my guilty obsessions at the moment is One Direction.. I know, I know.. you can JUDGE away, and I don’t mind.. it’s what makes me ok! Anyway, I wanted to direct you to one of their songs, and the lyrics… I think they (or Ed Sheeran!) wrote it about me!! Check it out!  lyrics

Talking About Dogs..NOT the Furry Fun Kind….

We interrupt our regularly scheduled program to talk about dogs….

That’s right. I was supposed to write about the school holidays that have now long gone, but instead I feel the need to post about the dog that visited me for snuggles yesterday.

I love dogs. I would definitely be classified as a Dog person, unfortunately this is not the type of dog I like to pet, snuggle and visit with. This was ‘the black dog’. I just wanted to document, mainly for my own self, how easily it can be to go from high to low in one day.

I had a lovely morning yesterday. I got the kids off to school and daycare, and then the youngest and I went to have a coffee with a wonderful friend. WE don’t catch up enough in real life, but I so do enjoy it when we do. We had coffee, chatted and took Little Miss to the nearby park. It was lovely, relaxing and enjoyable.

How can you not LOVE and SMILE at this?!?!!

After a couple of hours, I got some lunch and headed home. My problem began when I walked into the house. I have been studying and neglecting housework so very much, and it was evident yesterday. The amount of ‘toys’ and “useless crap” that was lying around, dishes not done, kitchen a mess, was completely overwhelming. I ate lunch and put Lil Miss down for her nap.

Now here would have been a good time to get up and start clearing and cleaning away all the mess. I didn’t have distractions of a child following behind pulling things out, it was a lovely day, I had a full belly from lunch., but you know what I did? I had a sudden overwhelming urge to give up. It was a feeling inside me that crept up so gently, all I could feel was my chest hurting and the need to cry.  That was when I realized, the black dog had come knocking at the door. Not so much knocking, as showing itself in through the doggy door and settling in my lap.
All I could do was lie in bed and cuddle my blanket wondering why I could be feeling this way. My life is wonderful, I have a supportive husband, a great house, a car, I’m studying. Just another example of how this damn thing doesn’t discriminate. Luckily for me, I feel that my journey through this and the impact, or ‘length of visits’ seem to be assisted and shortened with the help of social media. My twitter followers are great, and all I have to do is tweet something about how I’m feeling and I’m overwhelmed with new ways to think and cope, and distractions to get me back on track.

At the height of my snuggles with the Black Dog

I’m also amazingly lucky to have my husband in my life. For all the pressures he is under at work, he always ‘just knows me’ and knows when I need him, even without telling him. Unbeknownst to me, he had thought I needed a break from having to wake Lil Miss and get Mr5 from school, so came home early to do a brief stopover, before continuing with his work! He was able to come home, hold me and understand.

While he left to get Mr5 I decided to have a shower and reclaim my day. There was to be no more snuggling with the black dog, things needed to be done.  Showered and dragging myself away from the computer, I started slowly… just as I had finished cleaning my kitchen, and hanging the dishcloths to dry, there was a burst of sunshine through the back doors. I smiled, for the first time in hours, realizing that the signs were there telling me to just do it. Move and keep moving. All will be ok.

By the end of the night, I’m happy to report, I had reclaimed my living room of all the children’s toys, moving them into a separate area, away from the living room. My anxiety peaks whenever I see so much mess from the kids. I’ve decided that if I take that mess away, and it’s out-of-sight, I can get my anxiety under control.

My house is now clean, tidy and I am feeling much better today. I wasn’t impressed with the visit from the dog, but I’m grateful I was able to push through it and come out the other side. It’s just amazing to me, how quickly it can creep up and take over every thought, every feeling, every sense of your being. Even when you are internally telling yourself you do not want to feel this way, You are chanting for it to go away.

Time heals all things, and with help, I know I Will get through this. I have been terrible about getting further assistance with this, but yesterday affirmed for me, I need to make it a priority.

That’s it for now…. I’ll try to post about the school holidays next… and then I’m starting to blog as a part of a Mummy blog challenge….. I’ll fill you in more soon!!

Like I said, this post was more for me, but I thank you for reading….

 

~ Something else I forgot to add, which was an incredibly important part to not succumbing too much to the black dog, was the fact that I have gained 4kgs since my weight loss journey ended, well really 6 when I was at my optimum. I am struggling with getting back on track and doing the right thing food wise. Knowing it’s 80% food choice is a mantra I keep telling myself. Yesterday when I was at a low, I kept chanting to myself – I am not hungry, I am not hungry…this is the black dog talking.. do not eat meaningless food to make yourself better….. I will admit that It was HARD! In the past I would have opened the cupboards and eaten ANYTHING and EVERYTHING, regardless of what it was. I’d make something if there was nothing. With the education I received on the 12WBT program, I was able to convince myself not to eat. A little win for me!!