This post has been spurred on by feelings I’ve had developing for the past couple of weeks. You may have noticed I’ve been a little quiet on the blog front. My apologies for that, but I haven’t really made it a priority. The thing is, I made this video the other day to show the transformation I’ve had over the last 10 weeks and although I’m really happy with the video it also got me thinking about my mental state.
So far (without tomorrows weigh-in) I’ve lost 12.5kgs in the 10-11 weeks and over 40cms all round off my body. Now I know that is a HUGE number and that it’s a great achievement. I also know that I went and purchased a pair of jeans that were two sizes smaller than I would normally wear, which seemed an almost impossible concept a couple of months ago, however, I still feel fat and frumpy and my self-esteem is taking a hit.
It’s not that I want to give up on the program or the lifestyle, because that’s definitely not it. I love this new way of life (okay, saying I LOVE exercising, is a HUGE big fat lie – but I am enjoying what happens AFTER I exercise!!! The feeling you get of knowing it’s done and you’ve done something good for yourself!) and the way we’ve changed for the better. I guess it’s just me being the impatient Capricorn that I am, and wanting the best results now.
It’s funny….I’ve had people tell me they can see I’ve lost weight and that I’m looking good, but I know I can look better! When I look at myself in the mirror or just look down, I still see a big fat tummy (granted I know that I have my tummy because I have 3 beautiful kids I wouldn’t swap for the world) but I just want it gone! I will admit that last night I went to the movies, and I happened to look side-ways in the mirror and noticed that it’s not ‘as big’ as a sticky-out-tummy as it used to be but ugh..it’s still there, sitting right in the middle of my short stature, making it’s self known.
Conceptions of how we look are a funny thing. I had a girl from high school recently tell me she didn’t think I was overweight during that time. Funny she said that; high school was a really big period of struggle for me, because everyone else seemed skinnier than me. I also had a friend who’s known me for about 3 years now say that when she was watching the video she didn’t realise I looked ‘that big’ before we started this transformation. Again, it’s so funny how everyone sees everyone else. I guess this is where the pressure of society comes in. I don’t feel pressure from society to be thin, and I most definitely don’t feel pressure from my loved ones or friends, but I do feel pressure from myself, to be smaller and to be fitter and to be a nicer person.
How do you stop putting pressure on yourself and get to a frame of mind where you’re happy with progress and know that what you are doing and have been doing is the right thing?
I want to be the diamond – not the basketcase
I feel like this program is making me a better version of me. My husband and I were discussing how with all the changes in eating and exercise that we’ve made, we definitely have a better mind-set. We’re both in a better place, but I just feel like I’m not quite there yet.
This isn’t a pity-post, so please don’t read it as that, it’s just a post on feelings. It’s just me, putting my feeling in a post, so that I can look back and reflect on my silly thought patterns in the months to come! It’s another ROBOT day where I didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to exercise and didn’t want to even think about watching what I eat because I just couldn’t be bothered…. Having now been 11 weeks into this program, along with the help of Michelle’s mind-set lessons and support via other program members I now know .. CAN’T BE BOTHERED DOESN’T BURN FAT! You’ve got to get out there and JUST FREAKIN DO IT… so I did….and now it’s done for the day!
I’ll see you all tomorrow for Wednesdays Weigh In!! Only 2 more weigh ins on this ‘offiical’ round, but I’ll still be around to blog and update in between. Since I got my fabulous Polar HRM I’ve been trying to smash up the Super Saturday Sessions and have managed to hit 1000 this past weekend again. I also did a boxing group class, so I’m fairly sure that’s going to help move things along.